Today is one of those days where I really feel like i need to count my blessings too...so that i don't drift toward the inevitable negativity. Here's a quickview of the ups/downs of the day:
Downs:
Was really trying to be productive about work/passing the board exam, both of which require a huge amount of reading which i completed very little this weekend. But for some reason I just didn't feel like it. because I wasn't feeling too good. so i slept in and took my time with everything.
Had the first ever BMS fellow get-togethers. And quite like i imagined (or feared), some of my suspicions were true. So you can imagine 10 people trying to talk at the same time, each person louder than the other and trying to be funnier than the other. There were literally no breaks. and the same people dominated the conversation (including the one girl who i met up with last week) and talked non-stop about drinking and alcohol and bars and what not. I participated in the conversation but i was pretty annoyed by all of it. basically these people are ALL from the east coast (the furtherest Michigan) and they talk about east coast stuff NON-STOP. I can't quite put my finger on it but i'm not into the idea that we are all going to be BFFs from now on. and that's the f-ing that's annoying the heck out of me. and then it's the ass-kissing fest, everybody apparently wants to stay beyond this year so there was a lot of that already during orientation and during our happy hour they were still talking about these people they met for 5 seconds on orientation day and how wonderful these people are (these people in authority, of course). i mean c'mon, you met the director of your department or your preceptor like 2 days ago and you already decided that they are such wonderful human beings? call me cynical but i tend to like to wait before i make a judgement. maybe that's the un-Americaness about me still. i can fake that enthusiasm, but i dont buy into it. I'm glad that everyone has super high hopes goin into it because i do too, and to me i'm only a tourist on the east coast until i find better reasons to stay. i suppose that's why i can take a step back and just be SANE. imagine more of these socials for the next couple weeks. i think i may have to go out of my mind. I have no problem with people talking about their respective hometowns, but i'm guessing this MOVE to them is only driving down the street to another place to work so it's hardly a move. i really dont give a damn about what they think because i had the balls to move across the continent where i CAN'T go party with my peeps in CA and they can. that means i want this MORE. a lot more than all the ass kissing stacked right on top of each other.
Talked to family on the phone. they are in vegas right now enjoying the buffet. makes me sad because i really miss them and i'm stuck here by myself not knowing anybody really. I miss CA already and my normal friends who dont talk like they are on 5 Redbulls.
Ups:
After my hardwork last night my room looks like a comfy suite now with a nice wobbly desk, a pretty floor lamp, borrowed daybed, collapsable shelf from home and a comfy mattress. and i set it up in a way that everything is organized around you in a basket container or cute little artifacts i got from Europe. ahh...europe. was i really there 3 weeks ago? seems so far now i'm in the middle of nowhere.
Got myself out of the second half of the fellow dinner and went to firework celebration in the next town called Cranbury (you prolly can't even find it on a map :P ). It literally feels like a scene out of Gilmore Girls with a cute little main street with a couple pizza shops and ice cream shops and antiques and used bookstore. My roommate secured a bench looking over the river while I went and got myself a sub. it was definitely awkward for me to be walking for blocks on the mainstreet by myself. that uncomfortable feeling was creeping back with everybody staring at you, even when i walked into the local pizza joint to get a sub. the firework turned into a huge community event, SO MANY local people came and set their chairs up around the park/river. The sight was lovely since lots of people canoed out on the river to see the firework. The trees draped over the water like what i saw in downtown Tubingen where a river ran through and a few houses on the bank. And when the firework started it was beautiful and long. I thought with my Cali snootiness I'd find it lacking but it actually wasn't bad. Of course, if you compared it to Hollywood Bowl firework spectacular or Santa monica pier or Disneyland Park the firework they use here are nothing special, they dont mind heart shapes or change color or play to the sound of music. But because the setting is so pieceful and quiet and the town is charming, i find it quite enjoyable. and then i probably had one tear because i wish i wasn't here witnessing this w/o anyone who i care for. BUT i also realized that if god didn't give me such a great roommate i woudl really be here all by myself. so THAT in itself is a blessing. :)
Anyway, that's the conclusion of my day. tomorrow is a big day we have orientation with fellows from all over NJ so i better get ready for the firecracker conversations that will take place all day tomorrow. sigh.
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