No. 2 - "Please just enjoy the ride"

I need to remind myself of that.

stop worrying about where you will be after this year, after 2 years. Stop thinking that if things don't work out in Taiwan, you MIGHT want to move back to the US. And how guilty that will make you feel about leaving your parents.

Stop thinking about that things may NOT work out in taiwan. You haven't even started.

Stop thinking that if things DO work out, does that mean you will grow old and die here? what about marriage? who are you going to marry? you know so little about taiwanese guys? and You haven't been around them long enough to see if you can actually fall in love with one? There's so much unknown!

Stop thinking that if things DO work out, bc of the sheer size of Taiwan, you may have to choose to find a job that will allow you to stay in taiwan (not China), and that your US/global experience will go to waste. you don't even know that.

Stop feeling anxious before every trip to China. Stop resenting some aspects of it. Yes, some cities and some meetings and some people are quite horrible. But please just try to enjoy the ride. You may never get this chance again.

Stop feeling sad because you realize you may never go back to Jersey. You hated most of Jersey.

Stop missing the boy.

Stop missing the US. that way you will never learn to get rooted again in tw.

you've been given a second chance at it. So please just enjoy the ride. enjoy your time with your parents, enjoy the company of your childhood friends and the sights and sounds of the city you grew up in.

Stop wondering about the what if's. a big part of my young adult life is missing. But i'm here, now.

No. 1 - 離的還不夠遠

離的還不夠遠

that was the first thought that ran through my mind when i heard his voice.

Apparently, it still made me cringe and uncomfortable. His voice.

Unfortunately, because I am still supporting the same products, I still attend some of the same teleconferences which he is a part of. and i participated for the first time since i moved back. and he spoke.

I called in late. so i missed my chance to announce my attendance at the beginning of the call. I felt that throughout the meeting, something caught my throat.

and the thought just kept running through my head: i can't get far away enough.

Even though I am half a globe away. I need to rid myself of all things and sounds that remind me of him. I need to move the 'archive folder' with his name to the bottom of the list. I need to stop wondering if he will be at the same diabetes conferences.

I need to stop giving a $h*t about everything about him. (excuse the language)

The trouble is, it's so hard for me to fall for someone, and once i'm fallen, it's also hard for me to get out. Aren't I glad we didn't actually go out?

So i guess the next step is to just hope that the next one comes along faster. What's the saying, it takes one to get over one.

the sad thing is, it's all about work now. all the time.

mini blogs times three! 迷你網誌三連發

bc i have been lying about updating...and today i actually have a few min before I force myself to go to bed. I will update. really quickly. about three random mini thoughts that have been lingering in my head.

For the first time. My life in Taiwan. 13 years later.