常常覺得
越來越不知道
我要的是甚麼
工作上
感情上
生活上
我要的東西有好多 卻又不能夠留住不放手
這好像也是我自己咎由自取的關係吧
我想要陪在我在乎的人的身邊
卻又不肯停下腳步 所以一直走 一直走 一直走
遇到了異性 常常會想自己是否喪失了愛人的能力
心如止水
這是正常的嗎
還是只是因為動物學習的能力 讓我覺得
不可能 也不想要再感覺到失望的感受
要怎麼樣 才能和自己想要的人事物
長廂廝守
要怎麼樣 才能再在自己喜歡的工作裡 忙碌了一天之後
回到愛的人身邊
而不是一再又一再的單打獨鬥
這樣的犧牲
到頭來
到底值不值得?
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
A brief update
So today was just as crazy as yesterday...my life has sorta resorted to the same elements: Great work experience + somewhat sucky fellow Fellows + great roommate + surburbian life in a suburbian community. Other than the sucky fellows, i've pretty much come to enjoy everything else.
Work: Every day is getting more interesting than the previous one because more and more I am realizing the responsibilities i have with my position. More and more it is being mapped out to be through talking to my bosses and my peers. Today I met with a few people who work in clinical trials or on other drugs. And I feel great that they are willing to invite me to meetins where I can gain more exposure about potential areas I want to work in. On top of that, I got to participate in a teleconference which i'm expected to take over next time. It's pretty much talking to the vendor we work with and authors of these papers to make sure that are studies are being published in a timely matter. It's interesting that before I started this job i never put much thought into any of the publications i read. I mean, they are just studies that SOMEONE conducted and SOMEONE put in a journal for us to read. But i'm realizing it more that everything is a business strategy. The kind of studies your company decides to sponsor, the kind of topics they want, the kind of journals they want to get published in, the kind of audiences they want to reach...etc. There's so much being put into consideration before you fully see a study in its entirety (hopefully) in a scientific publication. On top of that, i got to talk on the phone with a few authors to varify their ideas and communicate that with our internal scientific writers so she can put the ideas into words (not all authors pen their own studies). Anyway, LOTS of interesting things happening around here. I try really hard because i want to get as much out of it as I can. and i'm not talking about a job because that's the last thing on my mind (sort of). I WANT to get excited about what we have in the pipeline and meeting all of these senior people in the company and making connections, but somehow a part of me (and i'm assuming that's the part that makes me stay grounded) is that i miss home, whether that's CA or tw.
fellow Fellows: still a mess i really hate to talk about. So i joined them yesterday at the happy hour and today at lunch (they pretty much have lunch everyday together). Tonight some of them are also heading to our local Hooters for some cheap beer and hot wings. And tomorrow we have a birthday lunch for one of the fellows and we also have a bbq and a bowling night lined up. And i'm not counting all the other networking events we do with the fellows from the OTHER companies. so you get an idea of how much people like to hang out with their co-workers. I personally feel that business is business and it's rare that you find true friends in the same industry, but that's my theory. All of my closest friends happen to be doing different things than I am and it's been working out great. When we get together we can talk freely about work and life in the general without worrying that someone might know someone i know. and yet this is turning into a circus with always having to invite the ENTIRE BMS fellowship class in fear of leaving someone out. BUT, if you do attend and do decide to leave early, people think you're a party pooper, BUT, if i do show up and do try to engage others in a conversation i feel that they are getting super east-coast cliquey. so in a way i'm kind of caught in a difficult situation because i'm not making much progress here. I WISH i could jsut meet other local people and forget about this whole being BFFs with your coworkers deal, however this is the reality i have to face everyday. I have slight suspicion that of course this can be attributed to 1) they dont have that many asian friends and feel uncomfortable around me 2) they are losers who don't know how to have a good time other than drinking beer and getting pissed drunk and 3) they are simply jealous. Theory 1 of course isn't completely fair, because there's a couple who seem nice, and from the other companies there are non-asian fellows who i super clique with, and even within BMS, there are MBA inters who i met during socials who are proposing ideas to hang out and get food. So i dont know if it's just these pharm fellows who have traditionally stuck with their own white/indian counterparts and never thought much about people other than their own race. and Theory 2 is because yes, they do go out and drink like every single day. But also the weirdest phenomenon is that, pharmacy people love to stick with each other. So even if everybody goes out and tries to have a good time i see no point getting drunk with the same people every night who you DO NOT want to go out with, and i really doubt that they got game at bars/clubs because (and i can say this) c'mon, we are not the business/social sci people who are blessed in the genetic department. Our guys and girls just like to SOUND like they got game but they dont. imo. Theory 3: i love my position as a fellow but obviously the guys who got the suckier (in my book) fellowships have got nothing to do but basic training. So the fact that i'm already thrown into these important meetings and have a ton of things to do and drive to off-site meetings with our joint-venture company does not please these fellows AT ALL. I would have to miss our lunch a couple days and then when I do show up they question why i was away and when i did explain i get this 'look' on their face. Maybe they dont think i'm good enough, maybe they are just mad that they still sit around at lunch for a full hour every day because they dont have urgent meetings to get to, and I'm already missing some of our fellowship meetings due to meeting conflicts. I don't know which part they are mad about. but honestly, I can care less. I'm sort of at the point where i've had enough of these people who show very little civility towards me since i got here. I know i'm capable of making new friends and i'm outgoing and friendly and not a prick so the problem must lie within them. which goes back to my 2nd theory that you really just CAN'T be friends with your colleagues. acquainances may be, but if your field is really that competitive people can diss you for whatever reason. And i'm starting to feel like they can bond with each other all they want. I didn't move all the way out here to please my fellow workers so much i can't focus on my work. Well that, and if anything i'd rather find a bf before I find a bff out here. so they should be the least of my concerns. ;)
time for bed now!
Work: Every day is getting more interesting than the previous one because more and more I am realizing the responsibilities i have with my position. More and more it is being mapped out to be through talking to my bosses and my peers. Today I met with a few people who work in clinical trials or on other drugs. And I feel great that they are willing to invite me to meetins where I can gain more exposure about potential areas I want to work in. On top of that, I got to participate in a teleconference which i'm expected to take over next time. It's pretty much talking to the vendor we work with and authors of these papers to make sure that are studies are being published in a timely matter. It's interesting that before I started this job i never put much thought into any of the publications i read. I mean, they are just studies that SOMEONE conducted and SOMEONE put in a journal for us to read. But i'm realizing it more that everything is a business strategy. The kind of studies your company decides to sponsor, the kind of topics they want, the kind of journals they want to get published in, the kind of audiences they want to reach...etc. There's so much being put into consideration before you fully see a study in its entirety (hopefully) in a scientific publication. On top of that, i got to talk on the phone with a few authors to varify their ideas and communicate that with our internal scientific writers so she can put the ideas into words (not all authors pen their own studies). Anyway, LOTS of interesting things happening around here. I try really hard because i want to get as much out of it as I can. and i'm not talking about a job because that's the last thing on my mind (sort of). I WANT to get excited about what we have in the pipeline and meeting all of these senior people in the company and making connections, but somehow a part of me (and i'm assuming that's the part that makes me stay grounded) is that i miss home, whether that's CA or tw.
fellow Fellows: still a mess i really hate to talk about. So i joined them yesterday at the happy hour and today at lunch (they pretty much have lunch everyday together). Tonight some of them are also heading to our local Hooters for some cheap beer and hot wings. And tomorrow we have a birthday lunch for one of the fellows and we also have a bbq and a bowling night lined up. And i'm not counting all the other networking events we do with the fellows from the OTHER companies. so you get an idea of how much people like to hang out with their co-workers. I personally feel that business is business and it's rare that you find true friends in the same industry, but that's my theory. All of my closest friends happen to be doing different things than I am and it's been working out great. When we get together we can talk freely about work and life in the general without worrying that someone might know someone i know. and yet this is turning into a circus with always having to invite the ENTIRE BMS fellowship class in fear of leaving someone out. BUT, if you do attend and do decide to leave early, people think you're a party pooper, BUT, if i do show up and do try to engage others in a conversation i feel that they are getting super east-coast cliquey. so in a way i'm kind of caught in a difficult situation because i'm not making much progress here. I WISH i could jsut meet other local people and forget about this whole being BFFs with your coworkers deal, however this is the reality i have to face everyday. I have slight suspicion that of course this can be attributed to 1) they dont have that many asian friends and feel uncomfortable around me 2) they are losers who don't know how to have a good time other than drinking beer and getting pissed drunk and 3) they are simply jealous. Theory 1 of course isn't completely fair, because there's a couple who seem nice, and from the other companies there are non-asian fellows who i super clique with, and even within BMS, there are MBA inters who i met during socials who are proposing ideas to hang out and get food. So i dont know if it's just these pharm fellows who have traditionally stuck with their own white/indian counterparts and never thought much about people other than their own race. and Theory 2 is because yes, they do go out and drink like every single day. But also the weirdest phenomenon is that, pharmacy people love to stick with each other. So even if everybody goes out and tries to have a good time i see no point getting drunk with the same people every night who you DO NOT want to go out with, and i really doubt that they got game at bars/clubs because (and i can say this) c'mon, we are not the business/social sci people who are blessed in the genetic department. Our guys and girls just like to SOUND like they got game but they dont. imo. Theory 3: i love my position as a fellow but obviously the guys who got the suckier (in my book) fellowships have got nothing to do but basic training. So the fact that i'm already thrown into these important meetings and have a ton of things to do and drive to off-site meetings with our joint-venture company does not please these fellows AT ALL. I would have to miss our lunch a couple days and then when I do show up they question why i was away and when i did explain i get this 'look' on their face. Maybe they dont think i'm good enough, maybe they are just mad that they still sit around at lunch for a full hour every day because they dont have urgent meetings to get to, and I'm already missing some of our fellowship meetings due to meeting conflicts. I don't know which part they are mad about. but honestly, I can care less. I'm sort of at the point where i've had enough of these people who show very little civility towards me since i got here. I know i'm capable of making new friends and i'm outgoing and friendly and not a prick so the problem must lie within them. which goes back to my 2nd theory that you really just CAN'T be friends with your colleagues. acquainances may be, but if your field is really that competitive people can diss you for whatever reason. And i'm starting to feel like they can bond with each other all they want. I didn't move all the way out here to please my fellow workers so much i can't focus on my work. Well that, and if anything i'd rather find a bf before I find a bff out here. so they should be the least of my concerns. ;)
time for bed now!
Monday, July 19, 2010
Parents left but otherwise a good day :(
Today is the day my parents fly back to tw which makes me a little sad. because of the time difference i also was trying hard to give them a call before they get on the flight. luckily by the time i was done with my busy monday they were still waiting to board. :(.....still makes me really sad. I really don't want this for the rest of my life. I hate saying goodbyes. it always sucks. but then that also hinders me so much because whenever something goes south here at work or in cali, i always think 'screw this, i'm going HOME'. well, NOT a good mindset when you're trying to make a mark in your field.
Despite that, it was actually a pretty good day. It was, though, a crazy monday. i walked in the office and found out about an unexpected all-day meeting that is required of all new hires/fellows. However, i had about 4 meetings scheduled throughout the day! I freaked out and asked the admin to reschedule the less important meet-and-greets, and the one i REALLY want to go to is a sales training where i will be shadowing two pharmacists training the sales reps. I am expected to take over that in the future so i'd really like to see how it is conducted this time. So i asked to be excused from the morning session of the new hires training and went to the sales training for the morning. And i must say, it didn't look too bad at all. it was just like giving a lecture to none-scientists and yet these people are more enthusiastic and more inquisitive than most pharm students you will ever find. I think i will enjoy this task when i take over. Definitely something to look forward to.
I then finished the day with the second half of the new hires training, met up with one of my preceptors and discussed the studies i read over the weekend and our most recent data, and had a meeting with a scientific writer who i will be working with who also interviewed me when i came in last time. I had felt like she really liked me during the interview and today she said she actually remembers me and was happy to find out i got the job. :)
anyway, still liking what i do on a day to day basis. only wish i could be with the people i care for more. :(
Despite that, it was actually a pretty good day. It was, though, a crazy monday. i walked in the office and found out about an unexpected all-day meeting that is required of all new hires/fellows. However, i had about 4 meetings scheduled throughout the day! I freaked out and asked the admin to reschedule the less important meet-and-greets, and the one i REALLY want to go to is a sales training where i will be shadowing two pharmacists training the sales reps. I am expected to take over that in the future so i'd really like to see how it is conducted this time. So i asked to be excused from the morning session of the new hires training and went to the sales training for the morning. And i must say, it didn't look too bad at all. it was just like giving a lecture to none-scientists and yet these people are more enthusiastic and more inquisitive than most pharm students you will ever find. I think i will enjoy this task when i take over. Definitely something to look forward to.
I then finished the day with the second half of the new hires training, met up with one of my preceptors and discussed the studies i read over the weekend and our most recent data, and had a meeting with a scientific writer who i will be working with who also interviewed me when i came in last time. I had felt like she really liked me during the interview and today she said she actually remembers me and was happy to find out i got the job. :)
anyway, still liking what i do on a day to day basis. only wish i could be with the people i care for more. :(
Saturday, July 17, 2010
一點也不勇敢
Slowly but firmly, I am trying to make myself like it more here. I still think the jughandle and the road condition suck. But I have a pretty good idea of where everything is now with a map in my head. I have now discovered most of the areas within an hour away from me, partly thanks to my iphone accident (twice) which made me drive out to these far-away malls, partly thanks to the immediate urgency of having to buy work clothes so i needed to located the nearest shopping centers and outlets. It's surprising that even without a GPS I have already felt pretty much like a local. I mean, the roads here are not nearly half as complicated as the freeways in Cali, and what people here call "traffic" is merely a little stop here and there at the red light. There is nothing an LA gal cannot handle (perhaps nyc traffic i'll say). So it does feel good that i can now even give pretty good directions and run lots of errands on my own without having to stop in between.
However even with this small accomplishment in my life, i'm still not loving it completely here. I suppose most aspects of my life here are pretty good: i get along with my roommate REALLY well, we make plans to go to dinners at the closest chain restaurants which i love, and we run errands together and hang out together. She really is a sweetheart. And within the general program i've identified a few people who i really like. Although they are not physically at my company, i look forward to lecture days when we can all get together.
However, i'm still not comfortable with the situation that, despite my good effort, i still dont bond very well with the people i immediately work with at my own company. i'm not talking about my supervisors, rather, the other fellows. Like i mentioned before, there's just this 'wall' between us. By now i've carpooled with the douchebaggy guys about 2 times now, and still my opinions of them are not getting any better. Still they are completely consumed with kissing a**, with my secretly snarky comments have gone un-noticed (they are THAT thick-headed). the other girls although i'm friends with, sort of have their own fun as well. i'm attributing this (still) to the fact that maybe they just don't feel that comfortable with me ethnically, and maybe our inherent personality difference that they have refused to age pass the age of sorority years. i want to cringe everytime i hear someone talk. and they already speak of partying it up in phiilly and nyc come September. and they want to hang out ALL THE TIME still. make plans for lunch every single day, make plans for the weekend, make plans so that we can make FUTURE plans about going into the city. it was literally driving me up the wall. My theory is, i dont even see my best friend that much so i definitely dont need to see my colleague every single day. I dont know about them, but i'm not buying this instant BFF stuff. i have slight suspicion that if i the tense situation continues and i give up to try to bond with them completely, i will really not gel with the fellows at BMS at all. but the idea of having to spend a weekend in new york with them is really not making me comfortable. can i please have the other fellows at my company who are not super hyper 24/7 and who don't have attachment issues like regular adults?!
Despite that, i try to appreciate the simpler things in my life. I have now come to like the small towns and some fields next to my city. they are cute and charming, and i may never have this experience again. I'm also liking the fact that because there is a lot of lands and reservoirs here, our companies have some really stunning views and locations. i just recently enjoyed two days at a different office where the building faces a huge lake. absolutely breathtaking. :) I have now also checked out most of the coffeeshops where i can get free wifi while studying. So aside from Borders and B&N and Starbucks which we have in CA, there's a cute little shop called It's a Grind. It's like one of those cute european bakeries with yummy pastries and these large couches where you can just sit around and chat with friends, except i was there to study. :( I also love the fact that there are trails that i can jog on. the golf course is within walking distance and when the sun is setting it feels really nice. along with the fireflies. Today I finally stopped by the closest Asian market, and i must say that its merchandise is plenty. almost everything i can think of it carries. it also has a chinese food section where you can purchase side dishes to go. doesn't taste super great, but is adequate enough. However, half of the market STINKS. the stench was so bad i couldnt bear to stay long. they really need to do something about that so americans dont think asian people love to live in filth. the seafood department just needs a cleanup/odor reduction.
Overall, ive been talking to some of my friends from cali and i really appreciate everyone's concern and support. it's still really hard, and i'm fighting the unhappy thoughts everyday. but i'd like to think, at the end of all this, something good will come out of it. at least i really do love my job right now.
P.S. newest New Brunswick spot visited: Harvest Moon
However even with this small accomplishment in my life, i'm still not loving it completely here. I suppose most aspects of my life here are pretty good: i get along with my roommate REALLY well, we make plans to go to dinners at the closest chain restaurants which i love, and we run errands together and hang out together. She really is a sweetheart. And within the general program i've identified a few people who i really like. Although they are not physically at my company, i look forward to lecture days when we can all get together.
However, i'm still not comfortable with the situation that, despite my good effort, i still dont bond very well with the people i immediately work with at my own company. i'm not talking about my supervisors, rather, the other fellows. Like i mentioned before, there's just this 'wall' between us. By now i've carpooled with the douchebaggy guys about 2 times now, and still my opinions of them are not getting any better. Still they are completely consumed with kissing a**, with my secretly snarky comments have gone un-noticed (they are THAT thick-headed). the other girls although i'm friends with, sort of have their own fun as well. i'm attributing this (still) to the fact that maybe they just don't feel that comfortable with me ethnically, and maybe our inherent personality difference that they have refused to age pass the age of sorority years. i want to cringe everytime i hear someone talk. and they already speak of partying it up in phiilly and nyc come September. and they want to hang out ALL THE TIME still. make plans for lunch every single day, make plans for the weekend, make plans so that we can make FUTURE plans about going into the city. it was literally driving me up the wall. My theory is, i dont even see my best friend that much so i definitely dont need to see my colleague every single day. I dont know about them, but i'm not buying this instant BFF stuff. i have slight suspicion that if i the tense situation continues and i give up to try to bond with them completely, i will really not gel with the fellows at BMS at all. but the idea of having to spend a weekend in new york with them is really not making me comfortable. can i please have the other fellows at my company who are not super hyper 24/7 and who don't have attachment issues like regular adults?!
Despite that, i try to appreciate the simpler things in my life. I have now come to like the small towns and some fields next to my city. they are cute and charming, and i may never have this experience again. I'm also liking the fact that because there is a lot of lands and reservoirs here, our companies have some really stunning views and locations. i just recently enjoyed two days at a different office where the building faces a huge lake. absolutely breathtaking. :) I have now also checked out most of the coffeeshops where i can get free wifi while studying. So aside from Borders and B&N and Starbucks which we have in CA, there's a cute little shop called It's a Grind. It's like one of those cute european bakeries with yummy pastries and these large couches where you can just sit around and chat with friends, except i was there to study. :( I also love the fact that there are trails that i can jog on. the golf course is within walking distance and when the sun is setting it feels really nice. along with the fireflies. Today I finally stopped by the closest Asian market, and i must say that its merchandise is plenty. almost everything i can think of it carries. it also has a chinese food section where you can purchase side dishes to go. doesn't taste super great, but is adequate enough. However, half of the market STINKS. the stench was so bad i couldnt bear to stay long. they really need to do something about that so americans dont think asian people love to live in filth. the seafood department just needs a cleanup/odor reduction.
Overall, ive been talking to some of my friends from cali and i really appreciate everyone's concern and support. it's still really hard, and i'm fighting the unhappy thoughts everyday. but i'd like to think, at the end of all this, something good will come out of it. at least i really do love my job right now.
P.S. newest New Brunswick spot visited: Harvest Moon
Sunday, July 11, 2010
DB's and a ton of networking events
There seems to be no way for me to properly begin this update about my last week. I got really sick from all of the networking events I had to attend. They weren't entirely no fun, but they were just WAY too much. I dont even know where to begin. There are days where we would have as much as 4 socials (morning, lunch, afternoon, happy hour), and on friday it just completely went over board with first a whole day of bonding activities like playing games in teams to get to know each other better, then we all got completely rained on, which explains why i felt extremelly ill over the weekend. The day didn't end there. We then went to 2 happy hours back to back: Stuff Yer Face and Olive Branch in New Brunswick. I actually kind of enjoyed it. I mean, not everyone in the program is a complete douche. I only have problem with most of the fellows at BMS but not everyone in the program. Sadly, the people who i click with more are all fellows from other companies. The guys who i carpooled with to the school events on Friday were from BMS as well and they were completely psycho. Our event went from 8 to noon then the 2 happy hours lasted until 5pm and they still didn't want to go home. I had to basically tell them that i have plans with my roommate (which was true) and literally dragged them out of there. And by then they were still texting on their DB blackberry about poker games with previous year's fellow while we were sitting in the car. In the meantime they could not say enough good things about these social events. I GET IT, YOU LOVE TO MAKE CONNECTIONS. you love to party, you love to pretend every joke the director tells is the funniest sh*t you've ever heard in your life. Even other fellows were coming over to me and telling me that these guys were too much of kiss asses. all i could say was, just be glad you are not at BMS.
During these networking events i usually try to circulate and talk to different people. most of them are nice and normal. but there are some who are complete turn offs. I personally feel somewhat unfortuante that i'm at this company as opposed to the others that are more laid back. We have the biggest number of fellows of all the companies, and i'm the only one not from the east coast and is an asian female. it normally doesn' tbother me but i'm feeling some animosity or indifference from the other fellows. some of the other girls were down right bitchy, talking like a typicaly sorority girl who makes poor eye contacts and talked only of drinking and partying nonstop with that annoying valley girl voice. only 2 of the female fellows seem to have some kind of sanity in them. the other guys were all straight up D-bags except two. and you know you are a D bag when you try to apologize for being a D-bag (don't be, you ARE one).
I apologize for the seeminly depressing post. I actually really enjoyed some of these socials and i met some cool people through that and tasted some really interesting beer and tried out cheap fun local bars on the east coast. I am only annoyed at the fact that i am somewhat stuck in the position I have as i explained to my parents today. Because I felt the animosity within my peers in my immediate BMS group i had to push myself harder to prove that I can be one of them. and then i pushed myself in all of the events to be as social as i can be even though i have less of a reason to be as aggressive since my program is: 1-year, and i really don't plan to stay in NJ after this. I guess a part of me just wants to show that 'dont think you're the only person who can do this. i dont have to be a brown nose and i got to where I am and i'm gonna show you how it's done." So that 好勝心 sort of back fired so i lost my voice completely after rushing back from the networking events on friday. I pretty much spent the entire weekend recuperating and just shopping for work clothes because that's the only activity that doesn't require talking very much.
Speaking of shopping, I am definitely becoming more concientious now about my spending since my tiny little pay check won't last me very long. I noticed that what i have from CA is not nearly formal enough for work. it IS formal in my definition, but other female fellows are definitely BRINGING it. So that in terms makes me look somewhat casual. Therefore i set out on a mission to find reasonably priced cute work clothes this weekend. I visited Marshall last weekend and was unfruitful. Then I stopped by the closest little dinky mall this weekend and it was frustrating. didn't have too many shops in it and all of my sizes seemed to be sold out. and i attribute that to the overwhelming Indian population we have here in my area. And i dont mean this in a racist way but Indian females like us share a very petite frame. so you can guess that wherever there is a sale, all of the S, XS are gone. and I'm one lazy female to shop on the frist day of sale so i was left with a bunch of Larges or XL's.
However today, i decided to venture out farther into the closest outlet - the Jackson Premium outlet in NJ. And there was hardly anyone there! unlike the outlets in CA which are located far from the city and full of Asian people (REALLY), it was so empty that you can drive you car from store to store to avoid having to carry your bags. So it was indeed a great shopping day at the outlet. I got 2 pairs of Nine West shoes for under $25 each, and a bunch of tops at CK. I decided to call it a day before i hit Banana or JCrew because I deemed this to be enough for the next couple weeks. I'm still very glad that now i know NJ's taxes are so much lower and no one hangs around the outlet so i can finish all of my shopping there. :D I love it when you can get good quality clothes at bargain price.
Well, i better hit the bed soon. i have been using Cepacol throat spray as well as gargling with salt water and taking Advil for my sore throat. although nothing has improved much i'm getting 50% of my voice back. hopefully this will go away entirely before our next event. sigh.
During these networking events i usually try to circulate and talk to different people. most of them are nice and normal. but there are some who are complete turn offs. I personally feel somewhat unfortuante that i'm at this company as opposed to the others that are more laid back. We have the biggest number of fellows of all the companies, and i'm the only one not from the east coast and is an asian female. it normally doesn' tbother me but i'm feeling some animosity or indifference from the other fellows. some of the other girls were down right bitchy, talking like a typicaly sorority girl who makes poor eye contacts and talked only of drinking and partying nonstop with that annoying valley girl voice. only 2 of the female fellows seem to have some kind of sanity in them. the other guys were all straight up D-bags except two. and you know you are a D bag when you try to apologize for being a D-bag (don't be, you ARE one).
I apologize for the seeminly depressing post. I actually really enjoyed some of these socials and i met some cool people through that and tasted some really interesting beer and tried out cheap fun local bars on the east coast. I am only annoyed at the fact that i am somewhat stuck in the position I have as i explained to my parents today. Because I felt the animosity within my peers in my immediate BMS group i had to push myself harder to prove that I can be one of them. and then i pushed myself in all of the events to be as social as i can be even though i have less of a reason to be as aggressive since my program is: 1-year, and i really don't plan to stay in NJ after this. I guess a part of me just wants to show that 'dont think you're the only person who can do this. i dont have to be a brown nose and i got to where I am and i'm gonna show you how it's done." So that 好勝心 sort of back fired so i lost my voice completely after rushing back from the networking events on friday. I pretty much spent the entire weekend recuperating and just shopping for work clothes because that's the only activity that doesn't require talking very much.
Speaking of shopping, I am definitely becoming more concientious now about my spending since my tiny little pay check won't last me very long. I noticed that what i have from CA is not nearly formal enough for work. it IS formal in my definition, but other female fellows are definitely BRINGING it. So that in terms makes me look somewhat casual. Therefore i set out on a mission to find reasonably priced cute work clothes this weekend. I visited Marshall last weekend and was unfruitful. Then I stopped by the closest little dinky mall this weekend and it was frustrating. didn't have too many shops in it and all of my sizes seemed to be sold out. and i attribute that to the overwhelming Indian population we have here in my area. And i dont mean this in a racist way but Indian females like us share a very petite frame. so you can guess that wherever there is a sale, all of the S, XS are gone. and I'm one lazy female to shop on the frist day of sale so i was left with a bunch of Larges or XL's.
However today, i decided to venture out farther into the closest outlet - the Jackson Premium outlet in NJ. And there was hardly anyone there! unlike the outlets in CA which are located far from the city and full of Asian people (REALLY), it was so empty that you can drive you car from store to store to avoid having to carry your bags. So it was indeed a great shopping day at the outlet. I got 2 pairs of Nine West shoes for under $25 each, and a bunch of tops at CK. I decided to call it a day before i hit Banana or JCrew because I deemed this to be enough for the next couple weeks. I'm still very glad that now i know NJ's taxes are so much lower and no one hangs around the outlet so i can finish all of my shopping there. :D I love it when you can get good quality clothes at bargain price.
Well, i better hit the bed soon. i have been using Cepacol throat spray as well as gargling with salt water and taking Advil for my sore throat. although nothing has improved much i'm getting 50% of my voice back. hopefully this will go away entirely before our next event. sigh.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
update tomorrow 病了
sorry...i lied. i'm still feeling really tired tonight, probably due to the cold. gonna try to go to bed early so my sore throat will go away. :(
Monday, July 5, 2010
Redbull conversations (beware of the negativity)
Today is one of those days where I really feel like i need to count my blessings too...so that i don't drift toward the inevitable negativity. Here's a quickview of the ups/downs of the day:
Downs:
Was really trying to be productive about work/passing the board exam, both of which require a huge amount of reading which i completed very little this weekend. But for some reason I just didn't feel like it. because I wasn't feeling too good. so i slept in and took my time with everything.
Had the first ever BMS fellow get-togethers. And quite like i imagined (or feared), some of my suspicions were true. So you can imagine 10 people trying to talk at the same time, each person louder than the other and trying to be funnier than the other. There were literally no breaks. and the same people dominated the conversation (including the one girl who i met up with last week) and talked non-stop about drinking and alcohol and bars and what not. I participated in the conversation but i was pretty annoyed by all of it. basically these people are ALL from the east coast (the furtherest Michigan) and they talk about east coast stuff NON-STOP. I can't quite put my finger on it but i'm not into the idea that we are all going to be BFFs from now on. and that's the f-ing that's annoying the heck out of me. and then it's the ass-kissing fest, everybody apparently wants to stay beyond this year so there was a lot of that already during orientation and during our happy hour they were still talking about these people they met for 5 seconds on orientation day and how wonderful these people are (these people in authority, of course). i mean c'mon, you met the director of your department or your preceptor like 2 days ago and you already decided that they are such wonderful human beings? call me cynical but i tend to like to wait before i make a judgement. maybe that's the un-Americaness about me still. i can fake that enthusiasm, but i dont buy into it. I'm glad that everyone has super high hopes goin into it because i do too, and to me i'm only a tourist on the east coast until i find better reasons to stay. i suppose that's why i can take a step back and just be SANE. imagine more of these socials for the next couple weeks. i think i may have to go out of my mind. I have no problem with people talking about their respective hometowns, but i'm guessing this MOVE to them is only driving down the street to another place to work so it's hardly a move. i really dont give a damn about what they think because i had the balls to move across the continent where i CAN'T go party with my peeps in CA and they can. that means i want this MORE. a lot more than all the ass kissing stacked right on top of each other.
Talked to family on the phone. they are in vegas right now enjoying the buffet. makes me sad because i really miss them and i'm stuck here by myself not knowing anybody really. I miss CA already and my normal friends who dont talk like they are on 5 Redbulls.
Ups:
After my hardwork last night my room looks like a comfy suite now with a nice wobbly desk, a pretty floor lamp, borrowed daybed, collapsable shelf from home and a comfy mattress. and i set it up in a way that everything is organized around you in a basket container or cute little artifacts i got from Europe. ahh...europe. was i really there 3 weeks ago? seems so far now i'm in the middle of nowhere.
Got myself out of the second half of the fellow dinner and went to firework celebration in the next town called Cranbury (you prolly can't even find it on a map :P ). It literally feels like a scene out of Gilmore Girls with a cute little main street with a couple pizza shops and ice cream shops and antiques and used bookstore. My roommate secured a bench looking over the river while I went and got myself a sub. it was definitely awkward for me to be walking for blocks on the mainstreet by myself. that uncomfortable feeling was creeping back with everybody staring at you, even when i walked into the local pizza joint to get a sub. the firework turned into a huge community event, SO MANY local people came and set their chairs up around the park/river. The sight was lovely since lots of people canoed out on the river to see the firework. The trees draped over the water like what i saw in downtown Tubingen where a river ran through and a few houses on the bank. And when the firework started it was beautiful and long. I thought with my Cali snootiness I'd find it lacking but it actually wasn't bad. Of course, if you compared it to Hollywood Bowl firework spectacular or Santa monica pier or Disneyland Park the firework they use here are nothing special, they dont mind heart shapes or change color or play to the sound of music. But because the setting is so pieceful and quiet and the town is charming, i find it quite enjoyable. and then i probably had one tear because i wish i wasn't here witnessing this w/o anyone who i care for. BUT i also realized that if god didn't give me such a great roommate i woudl really be here all by myself. so THAT in itself is a blessing. :)
Anyway, that's the conclusion of my day. tomorrow is a big day we have orientation with fellows from all over NJ so i better get ready for the firecracker conversations that will take place all day tomorrow. sigh.
Downs:
Was really trying to be productive about work/passing the board exam, both of which require a huge amount of reading which i completed very little this weekend. But for some reason I just didn't feel like it. because I wasn't feeling too good. so i slept in and took my time with everything.
Had the first ever BMS fellow get-togethers. And quite like i imagined (or feared), some of my suspicions were true. So you can imagine 10 people trying to talk at the same time, each person louder than the other and trying to be funnier than the other. There were literally no breaks. and the same people dominated the conversation (including the one girl who i met up with last week) and talked non-stop about drinking and alcohol and bars and what not. I participated in the conversation but i was pretty annoyed by all of it. basically these people are ALL from the east coast (the furtherest Michigan) and they talk about east coast stuff NON-STOP. I can't quite put my finger on it but i'm not into the idea that we are all going to be BFFs from now on. and that's the f-ing that's annoying the heck out of me. and then it's the ass-kissing fest, everybody apparently wants to stay beyond this year so there was a lot of that already during orientation and during our happy hour they were still talking about these people they met for 5 seconds on orientation day and how wonderful these people are (these people in authority, of course). i mean c'mon, you met the director of your department or your preceptor like 2 days ago and you already decided that they are such wonderful human beings? call me cynical but i tend to like to wait before i make a judgement. maybe that's the un-Americaness about me still. i can fake that enthusiasm, but i dont buy into it. I'm glad that everyone has super high hopes goin into it because i do too, and to me i'm only a tourist on the east coast until i find better reasons to stay. i suppose that's why i can take a step back and just be SANE. imagine more of these socials for the next couple weeks. i think i may have to go out of my mind. I have no problem with people talking about their respective hometowns, but i'm guessing this MOVE to them is only driving down the street to another place to work so it's hardly a move. i really dont give a damn about what they think because i had the balls to move across the continent where i CAN'T go party with my peeps in CA and they can. that means i want this MORE. a lot more than all the ass kissing stacked right on top of each other.
Talked to family on the phone. they are in vegas right now enjoying the buffet. makes me sad because i really miss them and i'm stuck here by myself not knowing anybody really. I miss CA already and my normal friends who dont talk like they are on 5 Redbulls.
Ups:
After my hardwork last night my room looks like a comfy suite now with a nice wobbly desk, a pretty floor lamp, borrowed daybed, collapsable shelf from home and a comfy mattress. and i set it up in a way that everything is organized around you in a basket container or cute little artifacts i got from Europe. ahh...europe. was i really there 3 weeks ago? seems so far now i'm in the middle of nowhere.
Got myself out of the second half of the fellow dinner and went to firework celebration in the next town called Cranbury (you prolly can't even find it on a map :P ). It literally feels like a scene out of Gilmore Girls with a cute little main street with a couple pizza shops and ice cream shops and antiques and used bookstore. My roommate secured a bench looking over the river while I went and got myself a sub. it was definitely awkward for me to be walking for blocks on the mainstreet by myself. that uncomfortable feeling was creeping back with everybody staring at you, even when i walked into the local pizza joint to get a sub. the firework turned into a huge community event, SO MANY local people came and set their chairs up around the park/river. The sight was lovely since lots of people canoed out on the river to see the firework. The trees draped over the water like what i saw in downtown Tubingen where a river ran through and a few houses on the bank. And when the firework started it was beautiful and long. I thought with my Cali snootiness I'd find it lacking but it actually wasn't bad. Of course, if you compared it to Hollywood Bowl firework spectacular or Santa monica pier or Disneyland Park the firework they use here are nothing special, they dont mind heart shapes or change color or play to the sound of music. But because the setting is so pieceful and quiet and the town is charming, i find it quite enjoyable. and then i probably had one tear because i wish i wasn't here witnessing this w/o anyone who i care for. BUT i also realized that if god didn't give me such a great roommate i woudl really be here all by myself. so THAT in itself is a blessing. :)
Anyway, that's the conclusion of my day. tomorrow is a big day we have orientation with fellows from all over NJ so i better get ready for the firecracker conversations that will take place all day tomorrow. sigh.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
A bunch of little ones
6/30
Mattress arrived, along with my desk and chair order all from Walmart. The mattress arrived looking like a barrel. So they essentially vaccummed the air out (i didn't know you can do this with spring mattresses) and rolled up the mattress. I sincerely feel horrible for whoever has to deal with my delivery because I specifically chosen Walmart after weighing all my other options (i do not make reckless decisions). The fact that they deliver to your door (i live on the third floor with no elevator access) is like holy grail to me. So I decided against buying stuff off of other people on craigslist because 1) my car wont fit; 2) i can't carry them by myself; 3) i don't want to go to a stranger's house to look at a $10 furniture by myself; 4) i can't bother my roommate cuz she has a job and i barely know her. And if the new stuff cost just as much as some of the stuff people are selling online, and I dont have to pay for delivery or carry these crap up my tiny staircase, then why not? I was HAPPY to finally unpack my mattress, it slowly unrolled and expanded (what a sight) into a medium firm mattress. I super likie! now my room is starting to look more like it.
I met up with a fellow who's also starting at my company for brunch. she seems nice enough. we talked a lot about our fears of moving so far away from home and our backgrounds. i walked away from brunch feeling quite good.
At night my roommate took me to this mexican place in town called On The Border. Pretty good street style mini tacos, and happy hour drinks. will definitely come back (and pretty likely since there's not that many places in town to rotate). :P
7/1: First day @BMS
Today is orientation day. We have about 9 ppl? everyone seems okay. a few definitely give off that snooty vibe but i wasn't going to let that bother me (now). also ran into someone who interviewed me once at the conference and later when i was brought back onsite by other departments pretended not to know me. but NOW he's saying hi and playing the 'we already know each other don't be a stranger' type of thing. this is why i like industry, but hate the people. they are unlike the super chill dudes who actually do the science part of lab work, and more like the greasy business world dudes. So fickle. but i will play your game since i am here.
Went home, crashed. too much socializing sucks me dry. can't be THAT upbeat for THAT long. ironed clothes like mad, and burnt my thumb ouch! ><> restaurants). It was a place inside a small shopping center in the middle of nowhere. the Fileto Pomodoro was not half bad.
When we walked out, someone informed me about my tire being really flat. i decided to stop by a gas station but before I could do that, my tire started making this scary screeching sound I had to pull over and stop. at this point my tire was so flat that it folded itself like a dough. I freaked out and called AAA (third time this year for their service). if my roommate wasn't in the car witih me, i prolly wouldn't have been able to locate myself. i could see a gas station half a mile away and THAT WAS IT! i was parked on a road...that would be my best try as a city girl. Oh, and while i'm at it. i hate the so-called Jughandle Turn...meaning you have to turn RIGHT in order to turn LEFT or make a U-TURN. see this explanation. I am sure the rest of the world agrees with me that it's a stupid design. it makes it super easy for you to pass your destination and have to drive for another 5 min on the highway before you can find an exit that will let you u-turn or left turn, and THEN you'd have to get on the other side, get off, get on this side of the road again for a do-over. so it takes me twice as long to get anywhere.
anyway, SUPER not happy about the indents of today.
7/3:
Stopped by Pepboys to get a new spare. E called and we chatted a bit. i miss her, or rather, the way we used to be. pampered myself and decided to get nails done, and got a call from Ingrid from HI! I love that girl she's super sweet and she's one of the reasons i feel bad about leaving HI at the end of my rotation. You can't always be with the people who you meet in your life who have so much potential to be one of your closest friends. :( Stopped by Marshalls but it's not that great here. the brands are unknown and no work appropriate shoes sold here. The Marshalls in CA are like Nordstrom Rack. I see no reason you need to go to a regular store when Marshall is like the outlet of name brands. but i digress, i'm not in CA right now.
Then stopped by Whole Foods and LOVED the selection of prepared foods there. the sushi looked crappy, but everything else looked yummy. for dinner i had shrimp cocktail and mixed salad bar entrees from Whole Foods. YUM.
7/4:
woke up to some healthy brunch i made: cornbeef hash + bagel with cherry cream chess + milk + vitamine + blueberries + Ranier Cherries. Then went to Borders to try to catch up on some reading for the job. Then stopped by Walmart and got everything i needed (including a screwdriver to finish my furniture assembly).
Went to the pool and swam/sunbathed while on the phone with sis. talked to R on the phone while getting reading to meet a local guy who I contacted for housing but didn't end up living with. Never saw him in person but he turned out to be a lot older (like in his late 40s or 50s? ) The convo was stimulating as we were very similar in backgrounds. He was saying he was happy to meet someone who also stayed in SD, LA, and now here who's also Taiwanese and knows drugs (he teaches pharmacology). Was nice enough to show me around downtown Princeton. However, maybe it's me, but i tend to get a little paranoid about situations like this. I don't think he completely sees me as a daughter in that sense, but i am definitely A LOT younger than he is. I don't mind meeting locals but i don't want unnecessary trouble. he asked if i needed help with anything and i politely declined.
I then came home and assembled my desk, leather chair with air pump, and floor lamp. who needs a man when you've got a working screwdriver? ;)
JUST KIDDING....
Mattress arrived, along with my desk and chair order all from Walmart. The mattress arrived looking like a barrel. So they essentially vaccummed the air out (i didn't know you can do this with spring mattresses) and rolled up the mattress. I sincerely feel horrible for whoever has to deal with my delivery because I specifically chosen Walmart after weighing all my other options (i do not make reckless decisions). The fact that they deliver to your door (i live on the third floor with no elevator access) is like holy grail to me. So I decided against buying stuff off of other people on craigslist because 1) my car wont fit; 2) i can't carry them by myself; 3) i don't want to go to a stranger's house to look at a $10 furniture by myself; 4) i can't bother my roommate cuz she has a job and i barely know her. And if the new stuff cost just as much as some of the stuff people are selling online, and I dont have to pay for delivery or carry these crap up my tiny staircase, then why not? I was HAPPY to finally unpack my mattress, it slowly unrolled and expanded (what a sight) into a medium firm mattress. I super likie! now my room is starting to look more like it.
I met up with a fellow who's also starting at my company for brunch. she seems nice enough. we talked a lot about our fears of moving so far away from home and our backgrounds. i walked away from brunch feeling quite good.
At night my roommate took me to this mexican place in town called On The Border. Pretty good street style mini tacos, and happy hour drinks. will definitely come back (and pretty likely since there's not that many places in town to rotate). :P
7/1: First day @BMS
Today is orientation day. We have about 9 ppl? everyone seems okay. a few definitely give off that snooty vibe but i wasn't going to let that bother me (now). also ran into someone who interviewed me once at the conference and later when i was brought back onsite by other departments pretended not to know me. but NOW he's saying hi and playing the 'we already know each other don't be a stranger' type of thing. this is why i like industry, but hate the people. they are unlike the super chill dudes who actually do the science part of lab work, and more like the greasy business world dudes. So fickle. but i will play your game since i am here.
Went home, crashed. too much socializing sucks me dry. can't be THAT upbeat for THAT long. ironed clothes like mad, and burnt my thumb ouch! ><> restaurants). It was a place inside a small shopping center in the middle of nowhere. the Fileto Pomodoro was not half bad.
When we walked out, someone informed me about my tire being really flat. i decided to stop by a gas station but before I could do that, my tire started making this scary screeching sound I had to pull over and stop. at this point my tire was so flat that it folded itself like a dough. I freaked out and called AAA (third time this year for their service). if my roommate wasn't in the car witih me, i prolly wouldn't have been able to locate myself. i could see a gas station half a mile away and THAT WAS IT! i was parked on a road...that would be my best try as a city girl. Oh, and while i'm at it. i hate the so-called Jughandle Turn...meaning you have to turn RIGHT in order to turn LEFT or make a U-TURN. see this explanation. I am sure the rest of the world agrees with me that it's a stupid design. it makes it super easy for you to pass your destination and have to drive for another 5 min on the highway before you can find an exit that will let you u-turn or left turn, and THEN you'd have to get on the other side, get off, get on this side of the road again for a do-over. so it takes me twice as long to get anywhere.
anyway, SUPER not happy about the indents of today.
7/3:
Stopped by Pepboys to get a new spare. E called and we chatted a bit. i miss her, or rather, the way we used to be. pampered myself and decided to get nails done, and got a call from Ingrid from HI! I love that girl she's super sweet and she's one of the reasons i feel bad about leaving HI at the end of my rotation. You can't always be with the people who you meet in your life who have so much potential to be one of your closest friends. :( Stopped by Marshalls but it's not that great here. the brands are unknown and no work appropriate shoes sold here. The Marshalls in CA are like Nordstrom Rack. I see no reason you need to go to a regular store when Marshall is like the outlet of name brands. but i digress, i'm not in CA right now.
Then stopped by Whole Foods and LOVED the selection of prepared foods there. the sushi looked crappy, but everything else looked yummy. for dinner i had shrimp cocktail and mixed salad bar entrees from Whole Foods. YUM.
7/4:
woke up to some healthy brunch i made: cornbeef hash + bagel with cherry cream chess + milk + vitamine + blueberries + Ranier Cherries. Then went to Borders to try to catch up on some reading for the job. Then stopped by Walmart and got everything i needed (including a screwdriver to finish my furniture assembly).
Went to the pool and swam/sunbathed while on the phone with sis. talked to R on the phone while getting reading to meet a local guy who I contacted for housing but didn't end up living with. Never saw him in person but he turned out to be a lot older (like in his late 40s or 50s? ) The convo was stimulating as we were very similar in backgrounds. He was saying he was happy to meet someone who also stayed in SD, LA, and now here who's also Taiwanese and knows drugs (he teaches pharmacology). Was nice enough to show me around downtown Princeton. However, maybe it's me, but i tend to get a little paranoid about situations like this. I don't think he completely sees me as a daughter in that sense, but i am definitely A LOT younger than he is. I don't mind meeting locals but i don't want unnecessary trouble. he asked if i needed help with anything and i politely declined.
I then came home and assembled my desk, leather chair with air pump, and floor lamp. who needs a man when you've got a working screwdriver? ;)
JUST KIDDING....
6/29: Day 1 (Backdated)
My day started with a phone call from the car shipping company. He was on time, and I was barely waking. Because he couldn’t drive his car inside of this neighborhood I agreed to meet him on the big street out front. However, my building is located on the very inside of this apt neighborhood. 15 min after I started walking he called again and drove my car to meet in the middle. It was a hot, even at 930am.
I then spent the day putting things away. I was happy to reunite with my baby car, which has 80% of my stuff in the back. I now officially have my PJs, my towels, my winter clothes, bookcase and drawers and I am happy. I went to the nearest McD and on the way found an asian market which is located 5 min from me (Joy!).
I have to say I’m missing CA a little already. I’ve discovered about 90% of my immediate surroundings. And I am finding myself wishing that I have company of my friends and family back in CA. Although at this point I find myself handling the pressure/anxiety surprisingly well (I was expecting myself to bawl my eyes out or having to take Xanax). I suppose it’s because the fact that I have my car to drive around and objects I brought from home made it that much better. After I organized everything my room looked surprisingly familiar. Now I am just missing my bed so I can have something to sit on.
A part of me feels that I am too old for this. Living like a college student who still has roommates well into her late twenties and who knows for how much longer. There’s still a lot of pretentiousness so that your roommate doesn’t see how you really are at home. This is the inconvenience associated with having a roommate. The sharing, the splitting of everything. Although it’s a very good way to meet local friends, fast, if they are indeed nice people.
Another part is that ONE is just too small a unit when you’re talking about making future plans. I would like to do a lot of things and go a lot of places. But on days such as today, since I am entering this program by myself, even though I want to explore nearby towns/local areas, I can’t very well walk into an attraction by myself. And then you feel that you’re just spending the day passing time as you go. Whereas the people who you really want to spend time with are back home, in CA or Taiwan. I am doing things that are familiar to me, since this is still within the United States. But I’m at a CVS/Target/McDs/grocery store thousands of miles away from the people who I usually go with. It makes me sad. So in that sense, I doubt that I can do a year in Europe by myself. Well, that and the fact that I would like to be fully functional. I do not wish to be viewed as an exotic being wherever I go.
So now I’m waiting in vain until the moment I start my job. But I must go take a shower now before I crash on the couch for another night.
I then spent the day putting things away. I was happy to reunite with my baby car, which has 80% of my stuff in the back. I now officially have my PJs, my towels, my winter clothes, bookcase and drawers and I am happy. I went to the nearest McD and on the way found an asian market which is located 5 min from me (Joy!).
I have to say I’m missing CA a little already. I’ve discovered about 90% of my immediate surroundings. And I am finding myself wishing that I have company of my friends and family back in CA. Although at this point I find myself handling the pressure/anxiety surprisingly well (I was expecting myself to bawl my eyes out or having to take Xanax). I suppose it’s because the fact that I have my car to drive around and objects I brought from home made it that much better. After I organized everything my room looked surprisingly familiar. Now I am just missing my bed so I can have something to sit on.
A part of me feels that I am too old for this. Living like a college student who still has roommates well into her late twenties and who knows for how much longer. There’s still a lot of pretentiousness so that your roommate doesn’t see how you really are at home. This is the inconvenience associated with having a roommate. The sharing, the splitting of everything. Although it’s a very good way to meet local friends, fast, if they are indeed nice people.
Another part is that ONE is just too small a unit when you’re talking about making future plans. I would like to do a lot of things and go a lot of places. But on days such as today, since I am entering this program by myself, even though I want to explore nearby towns/local areas, I can’t very well walk into an attraction by myself. And then you feel that you’re just spending the day passing time as you go. Whereas the people who you really want to spend time with are back home, in CA or Taiwan. I am doing things that are familiar to me, since this is still within the United States. But I’m at a CVS/Target/McDs/grocery store thousands of miles away from the people who I usually go with. It makes me sad. So in that sense, I doubt that I can do a year in Europe by myself. Well, that and the fact that I would like to be fully functional. I do not wish to be viewed as an exotic being wherever I go.
So now I’m waiting in vain until the moment I start my job. But I must go take a shower now before I crash on the couch for another night.
6/28: Day 0 (Backdated)
Possibly the longest time I’ve ever spent on a trip to the east coast. I believe time-wise it’s matched the time needed to travel to Asia/Europe. For some reason I haven’t been having much luck with flying. This time, with terrible air traffic delay, having to sit in the airport and non-airconditioned aircraft for hours, having to miss my pick up shuttle which stops running at 9pm, and having no private sedan to come get me when the dispatcher forgot to call. This at the end of a very depressing day when I had to leave my family behind. Somehow the earliness of departure helped because I was too tired in the morning and too rushed to register the sadness. It will be a while until I see them. L But when I finally got to my apt in NJ around midnight, I had forgotten about all that again. I just wanted to crash after a 12 hr trip which could have been significantly reduced to five. My first impression of NJ: hot and humid in the summer. Just like Taiwan.
p.s. I sat next to a nice older man who also works for a ophthalmic drug company in San Diego. He was good company but somewhat awkward. Glad we are in the same field and that he was able to give me a lot of interesting insight although I am still at the very budding stage of my career.
p.s. I sat next to a nice older man who also works for a ophthalmic drug company in San Diego. He was good company but somewhat awkward. Glad we are in the same field and that he was able to give me a lot of interesting insight although I am still at the very budding stage of my career.
Welcome new blog
Because I want to break free from the shadow of my old blog, I decided to start a brand new one that's associated with my brand new gmail account. I am guessing the writing style will pretty much stay the same, judging from my past futile efforts of trying to be positive in my diary-style blog. I have come to terms that I can be pretty negative, and yet the little wonders in life still can make me pretty high for no reason. So i'm using this as my therapy. and with fingers crossed hopefully my dark side will be reduced to minimum and in turn I will become a better person with each day passes.
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