http://www.niusnews.com/index.php/main/view/275
Let's hope this link works.:-) since I'm doing updates on my phone and I can upload a picture.
Recently I've been doing a lot of updates on Facebook and Instagram, mostly using apps to crest collages and artsy pictures. This is no coincidence at all.:-)
Of course it's something that I've wishes I had more time to so when I was working full time. But now it's really turned into a full or at least part time interest. I find it very therapeutic. And mostly I create these images not for my own pleasure. It's really to help me become a different person.
I have been following the Instagram if my favorite Japanese model for some time now. And recently it's become more intense because I am feeling down. I like that I can look at another girl and wish I can be like that. I don't mean that I worship anyone or am trying to act like a groupie. Rather, I envy the kind of attitude she shows in her picture. Maybe I can't be 100% of what she is because I don't lead that kind of life style neither am I as outgoing and crazy as that as a person, but I envy that non chalant attitude she has and her crazy fashion style. She's so retro without trying hard, and she's not Fakey Fakey like most Asian models in TW magazines are. She is half British and half Japanese. She DJs as her job outside of modeling. She dresses between retro and rocker like all the time. And she just has that infectious coolness me as a nerdy girl really would like to be. I want to be as free spirited and happy looking 6 months from now.
So the positive thing is, because now I have my 'muse', I start to dress different which a lot of people noticed. I am wearin my make up like the 70s, with the winged eyeliner and bright red/neon pink lipstick, and I wear colorful, retro stuff. I dyed my hair probably five shades lighter, got my bangs cut. As a result of this break up I am actually looking better . How weird is that. What started as a simple way of getting back at someone (bc we work in the same office and I simply want him to regret), turned out to be one of my fashion forward moments in life...and I have friends left and right always giving old clothes to me which really allows me to go crazy and alter them into old fashioned shapes like high wasted or pencil skirts or big floweh t shirts to go with my retro style.
But I suppose like my sister said, too much or too big of a change may actually make people think I'm going crazy because of the break up. Well I suppose i know the difference. For one, I've really liked these models for years, just never had a good time to really be able to express myself freely. Because up til I turned 27 I was either in a lab or in a hospital doing science. And as soon as I graduated I joined a company which really doesn't allow me to look unprofessional. So this is really the only time in my life when I realize that one, I can finally freely express myself and be the elli-rose I could never be in the previous 30 years of my life and try these fun styles and two, I need to date more people to know what I want and what I don't want in a men and stop acting like the next guy could be the last guy. I need to be more cosmopolitan than that and stop putting all the men in one basket and act extremely cynical because of one bad shit. And thirdly, I do notice more attention from men since I've paid attention to the way I look. So I suppose this helps with point two and complements point one.
Anyway, I am really trying to enjoy this period of my life to just be who I secretly have always wanted to be. A pretty, artsy, free spirited, and happy girl. I don't want to stay sad forever. So if I continue to look at these pictures in which I smile happily, I will remember that and know I can be happy. And maybe one day my Instagram will start to look like the girls I follow. Doing lots of things in life, having the time of my life, and just enjoy the ride...
Another IT girl who I follow
http://www.siennaweb.com/
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