Last memorabilia

So a mini dilemma I have is that I have one last piece of something I have not returned of burned or gotten rid of from that guy. Stupidly enough it's a book on marketing which I feel too bad to burn, but also angry enough to not want to see him and return it to him.

I alter between two school of thoughts. Someone bad said to me that if its a book which I will actually use, I should keep it as a penalty from that asshole -- he owes me that much anyway.

Another advice I got was to simply ask my friend to return it to him, and buy a new one in my own. Why wild I want to keep anything from him as something which may lead to us seeing each other again? He clearly has been am insensitive ass and by keeping it it will allow me to retain that thread of hope that we will one day speak to each other again. If I have to see his notes I would get angry anyway. And it's not like I can't afford a new book. So why keep it?

I have to say that as much as I would like to lie to myself and say I should totally keep it as punishment, as a person I actually can see myself agree with number two more. I know if I keep it until December, he may one day contact me. And all if the preparation and healing that  doing might all go to waste. There is that shred of hope which shouldn't exist.

It makes me feel so stupid and angry at myself at the same time.

I've pretty much gotten rid of everything. Old pictures, his phone number, the perfume he gave me..

The two things which still prove my soft spots: his LINE account ( for some reason even afte you delete a persons number the account remains. You can block the person for ever but I haven't done it, so even though I don't have his number any more, technically I could reach him on LINE and could also probably call him on LINE, technically speaking, but I won't, because it's pathetic.). And then the book.

Am I too lenient on myself? And this is why I'm not snapping out of this like I should two months ago? What am I waiting for? What needs to happen before I can completely move on? Does it have to be December 31st? Is that too long for someone who's really hurt me and who I've only dated for a month or so?

Sometimes I wish I can be ten times tougher with relationship. Be a cold hearted bitch who's totally jaded with life. Or be a super lucky person who finds her true love immediately after the asshole.