Therapy post

My running list Someone I love who loves me back Not selfish Brave Ambitious Altruistic These will be the qualities I look for in a marriage partner.. In that order. Due to recent events, it's made my priorities super straight. In fact, I don't even think I have seen things this clear before. I used to have a running list that would rate everything equally, or at least i would know what it is that I DON'T want. But that process of elimination has not worked so well I think. Probably more importantly, I need to know what i DO want, in order to move on with life quickly. The thing is, I just hung out again with that guy last night and here are the conclusions I finally came to in my head: 1. The attraction I have for him is purely physical. It's still there, and that's why it's hard for me despite the very non considerate things he's done.. But I am coming out of it. But being perfectly honest, I AM attracted to him and seeing him does make it harder. 2. He is a man boy who doesn't know what he wants. 3. He is insecure about himself. 4. He is pretty selfish. Another sign of immaturity. 5. He is a broken man, which makes him selfish and insecure. And even though I have been broken too, but I have not lost that faith and hope in life and relationships. Oh trust ime I have doubted myself and the life choices i made, but in the end I decided that i need to hold on to my faith. Otherwise i would be just as broken as everyone else who I despise, and frankly, i wouldn't be who i am anymore. 6. He doesn't love me. Not that he doesn't like me, but he doesn't love me. This is truly impossible to find now when people put their own needs always above everything else. It makes you selfish (again), and you assess all the partners as, well, options you could have. As Bridget Joned said, I can't be with someone who's not quite sure. I'm still looking for something, more extraordinary than that. Clip: http://www.metacafe.com/watch/an-f_JF42477h2mY/bridget_joness_diary_2001_bridget_dumps_daniel_again_part_2/ I only pray to god that since I have verbally agreed to be friends, that I will never be tempted, never doubt myself, and never want to go back, even just for a moment. And I will need all the courage i have.