Elaborating on what i had said the night before

So last night i was in a foul mood in the man department because of several reasons:

1) the weekend before, even though i was having a wonderful brunch with my friend at one of the best brunch places in town, we touched on the topic of guys. she's already married, so this mainly applies to me. She's trying to find out why i say/do the thins i say/do about men. So i had to lay the most recent bad examples on her:

the flirty doc with a girlfriend from hawaii
the flirty passenger next to me on the way back from hawaii, who i had a great convo and chemistry with, who friended my good looking friend on facebook without even knowing her.
the guy at baxter who's married
the psych rotation doc who asked my friend out THEN asked me out
the oncology resident who flirted with both me and my friend, and because i was giving him the cold shoulder now is going with my friend

And then there's also the guys whoh i liked and never said anything about in fear of rejection or hearing another line about him having a gf/wife/being engaged....

2) Then it's these guys at work who are all super intense. they work probably 12 hrs a day and really dont like to go home. i get it that they are young and ambitious, but trust me, it becomes less attractive when people perceive you as super intense. at least i'm not attracted to that kind of guys. I'm sure they would be a great catch in 5 years when they are more established to girls who are not in this field. but i really can't deal with their intensity and brown-nosingness.

There is this guy in particular who i have really good conversation with. he gets my sarcasm and we joke about weird stuff and he probably thinks i'm weird and quirky too. which is rare because for some reason i really am pretty honest when i'm around him. The problem is, he refuses to stop by my cube to chat. So i've been doing most of the stopping-by. and i'm as proud as hell too. i am reluctant to stop by his cube now after noticing that he doesn't reciprocate. so even though there could be potential, since i dont know how much i continue to see myself at this company or in NJ, nothing good can come from it. he's just not that into me if he doesn't make the effort to pursue me. maybe he has a gf, maybe he doesn't think i'm attractive enough. i'm not sure if i really want to care at this point. i'm not fond of finding excuses for people. i really have no time to wait/care about passive guys who may or may not reciprocate my feelings.

3) the GUY in my dance class. So, yesterday i actually found myself looking forward to the dance class on tuesdays... (BAD SIGN!!!) i do not want to get myself into a situation where i have to leave behind in possibly less than 8 months. so the GUY was there, and i sort of felt like he was noticing me too...from our encounter from the past two classes. He definitely seem happy to see me, but then, we know so little about each other. another BAD SIGN. I could feel that during the footwork portion of the class he was trying to stand close to me, and that he was looking at me a lot. i think the attraction at this level is purely physical.

And then of course, my roommate seems to have taken a special interest in him. for some reason i was attacked by these other super awkward guys who were horrible dancers and who had super sweaty hands and who wouldn't leave me alone. And so i never really had a chance to dance with the GUY. So he ended up dancing with my roommate for the most part of the evening and she was having a BLAST. sigh.......she alreasy has someone she's seeing and still, she likes the cute boys and wants the cute boys. we'll just have to see how this thing turns out. this is deifnitely not the first time i'm caught in this situation. and i never like to fight. btw, when i checked his fb link (through the group's facebook page), i was SO SCARED that he could be an undergrad. luckily, he's doing his post-doc and was a chem major.

So i have to admit that i get pretty nervous about this guy too because he's really patient with me and is a good dancer with a cute smile. he's totally at intermediate/advanced level and always sticks around for the beginner's class (for me? not sure). last time we actually did dance a little during the social hour, and he was really funny and kept twirling me around and improvised. and at one point he actually put my hand on his shoulder so that we would be dancing like a real couple and not classroom couple (and i'm sure i blushed like an idiot, like usual).

so this time we kept missing each other because i couldn't leave the really awkward guys who wouldn't leave me. And my roommate actually walked over to him and danced with him for a good while. so as soon as i was free again the next guy who i didn't really want to dance with would come grab me. Finally i couldn't stand it anymore and decided to walk outside the classroom and jsut stood by the door (ididn't really need water, just didn't want to be there anymore because i was tired of waiting). Then as soon as the song with my roommate ended he rushed outside and grabbed my hand and asked me if i wanted to dance....(even my roommate commented on that afterward). We didn't end up dancing togeether in teh end because the song was wayy to fast and we stood around and chatted for 5 min, when he told me that he joined the club because of Liza the instructor. because he's foreign i couldnt' tell if he was 'with her' like they are dating or they are just friends. if they really are dating, he will jsut have to enter my list of men listed above. who i want to have nothing to do with. ...:(

so i felt a little sad today.

4) and then there's that guy in taiwan who i liked so much when i was 15. and this time i saw him i was feeling super sad. because after telling him everything his response was that i hid my feelings really well, he didnt' know i liked him back at all.

and so my luck with men goes...