Because it always ends like this

Exactly one week after the dance class which made me feel super bad about my sheepishness around the guy i like.

And today it further sealed the fate with him.

My roommate is SMITTEN with the guy. on the way home she was giggling like a little girl and asked me to guess who it is she has a thing for. Well, considering the fact that she tries to flirt with him LOUDLY during the couple dance, it's hard not to guess who she likes. And she had to force me to guess. so i had to spit out HIS name. at which moment i feel that i have lost all interests to continue to go to class. because it's just going to make me feel bad.

Maybe it's the way i acted indifferenly, maybe it's the fact that he didn't persist like i wish he would, maybe it's the fact that i know if i continue liking him it will turn into something sad and hard to leave at the end of the year, maybe it's the fact that i sensed my roommmate is in love with him, or maybe it's the fact that i'm just pessimistic about relationships in general.

It kind of doesn't matter anymore.

It would be nice. to stop caring. I might continue to go, to get better, at dancing, my job, computer, whatever language/skills i once learned to impress someone who i once liked. but it won't be for anybody else but for myself now. Because it makes me feel too bad to to rely on someone to make me happy. i no longer wish that my mood be affected by someone not staying for the social hour after dance class, someone who leaves class early, someone who also makes people around me feel dizzy and giggly, someone who i have nice chats with at work but will never do anything further, or someone who is emotionally unavailable.

I don't ever want to feel vulnerable and sad again.