some revelations since i turned 30

It still sucks immensely so i dont think i am able to fully elaborate at this moment. I will keep it simple for now.... and maybe go over the series of events at a later time, when i need to use this blog for therapy. From 5/13 to 6/13, we had one intense month. We went out almost every day for two weeks since my last sad post, we held hands, we hugged, we kissed, i went to singapore for more school interviews, and we fought, we made up, i had more interviews, and we fought, and we made up again, and we decided to stay friends right before i came to the US for work and vacation. and then today i cried a little. that's about it in a nutshell. the biggest take away is that, i am not as strong as i think, especially around the timeframe of turning 30. another thing is, every break up sucks, no matter how many times you've gone through it. It all goes back to my point of beastiality in the world...because there are so many questionable people with moral issues out there, always being 100% idealistic does NOT help. I am at the point that i regret having watched Disney Princess movies AT ALL. (and i've become quite a bitter woman for it, as my family had noticed). Is it really better that we accept flaws in people and just know that you can never find someone as true to their values as you are? Do i still have the luxury to ask for that despite having just turned the big 3 and still haven't landed a chap? If i really was as strong as i had thought previously, could i still stick with the theory that i love myself the most and if you ever have a run in with someone less morally acceptable or dates more casually than you do, just break free from that? because a better one will always come along? Or is it that maybe that someone just doesn't exist any more, because of the fierce competition ALL women face and would willingly offer themselves to these men? AND in my head i know guys like him don't deserve him, after the fact that i already started liking him. so despite the warnings in my head/from my close friends, we continued to meet, until i was no longer comfortable, and so we fought. For now, i've taken the high road. we had a long friendly chat. I said he could be better. and he needs to be better. and he accepts fully and wants to work on his issues. and i'm supposed to be off to a better future (right?), and not being together (since it never was official) was probably the easiest thing to do. and i just can't bear to do this to myself anymore, to doubt my own values, to think either i need to change or i will die single (which never was such an issue to me before, apparently i'm not as strong as i thought). and he said he wants to better. and he will work on upgrading himself. so we continue to keep in contact as friends..but am i just making it harder for myself and easier for him to keep a good girl around like me? to be honest i'm not sure if his past behavior does not warrant this kind of kindness from me. but in my heard I also fear losing touch, because maybe he really is who i believe him to be (because he could have easily walked away from my speech about different values, and stopped working so hard or care about what i think or my family thinks). can i believe that something can stem from this eventually, or just rip off the bandaid and walk away completely? i really hope my time in the US will help me clear my head.